The politics of parenting

Parenting is unique to everyone

My research and interests in ‘the politics of parenting’ stemmed from a combination of my professional experience as a private nanny, engagement in supporting children’s workforce development, and from my own personal experience. As a nanny and in the 20 years of teaching on early childhood based further/higher education programmes that has followed, I recognise the importance of high-quality education for the early childhood workforce. To encourage practitioners to engage with theoretical concepts and current research is so important – we need a workforce that understands that childhood is a unique experience. In my personal experience though, when I became a mother myself, I realised that there were aspects of my understanding that could be developed further, which would have helped me to support families in the best possible way.

I may have read the textbooks and had lots of professional experiences, but I had no idea how much pressures new parents, particularly mothers, are under on a daily basis. I don’t think there are many aspects of new parenting that doesn’t generate conflicting and emotive opinions, contradictory advice, and explosive reactions. This is coupled with political attention and well documented directives surrounding parenting intervention and education. Therefore, when I think back to my experiences as a nanny, I can see the importance of supporting all those working with children and families to have some insight into working in partnership with parents; developing respectful relationships, understanding the social and cultural pressures parents face, and recognising parenting as something as unique and personalised as childhood is.

Identity

A key part of supporting new parents is to recognise the importance of identity. I have spoken with many new mothers in my research (Simmons, 2020) and consistently, when they reflected on the very early days of motherhood, they told me that they felt overwhelmed, out of control and as though they were losing their sense of self. There was also a sense that no-one had warned them about this, that the feelings they were having about losing their identity must be something that they, and they alone were feeling.

The women I have spoken with also reflected that these feelings lessened as the first year of their baby’s life progressed. Perhaps, therefore, it is all part of a path that new parents go through, navigating changes and slowly settling into a new reality, with feelings of security and self-identity returning over time. Whether or not this is a ‘natural’ transition into parenting though, the impact remains the same, as does the shock in managing this experience. This is particularly true when parents feel unprepared due to a lack in open and honest dialogue within society. It seems that there are a lot of silences in new parenting that are problematic. These silences are inflated by unrealistic and unobtainable images of perfect families on social media and in society at large.

So, what would help?

Human connection

This all seems quite negative! I believe that it doesn’t have to be though. If we listen to what parents tell us, the answers are very clear. First, parents want to be called by their own names; something that is very simple but on a human level, is extremely important.

Parents, especially in the early days, also want to know where they can go to for support. Somewhere close by, with opportunities to ask questions and gain reassurance, not to be ‘taught’, lectured, or left feeling judged.
Above all else, parents tell us that they would like to meet with other parents – to make human connections with other adults and for there to be parent-led opportunities to share experiences. Spaces for mothers, fathers, carers, grandparents and wider family members to meet and support one another, whilst simultaneously developing strong community links. These are the opportunities that would make the difference in the lives of families; meaningful activities where parents feel heard and valued.

What next?

No-one wants to be told they are not good enough, that they are ‘hard to reach’ or that they just need to learn how to be the ‘right kind of parent’; all of which are messages heavily embedded into political rhetoric surrounding parenting. If we continue to challenge this rhetoric and put human connection at the centre of parenting support, perhaps we can develop meaningful strategies that support parents, families, and local communities in an inclusive, empathetic, and respectful way.