Early years leadership stories

The stories we carry into leadership 

“Our identity is a fusion of stories, myth, genealogy and personalities we step into,” (Eastwood, 2021).

 Leadership is often closely tied to our identity, and therefore it is not just about skill or experience. It is shaped by the stories we carry, often long before we step into a formal role. In early years, many leaders arrive in position because they are highly skilled educators. But long before that title is given, ideas about what leadership looks like have already been formed – through the leaders we’ve experienced, the environments we’ve worked in, and the roles we’ve naturally taken. The journey we have taken to this point in time contains many milestones and key moments that have built the story we hold today.  

 These experiences don’t just stay as memories. They become reference points we return to, often without realising. Quietly, they shape the story we carry about what a leader is and what a leader does. Without realising it, we begin to lead from those stories. When we consider our default leadership styles, such as firefighter, people-pleaser or rescuer, these have often been triggered as a response to something we have experienced earlier in life, our personality, or the learning we have taken from role models, or examples of poor leadership that we have witnessed. 

The story we tell ourselves about leadership

The thoughts that we have about ourselves as a leader determine our actions, and what we believe is expected of us. The coaching modality, Cognitive Behavioural Coaching, operates on the premise that thoughts affect feelings, which in turn influence actions and behaviour. If the thoughts we are having about ourselves as a leader are ones such as: 

“Am I ready for this?” 

“Do I have enough experience?” 

“Will someone find out that I’m not cut out for this?” 

It is likely that we will feel nervous, anxious or inferior and we may therefore retreat, play it safe or avoid difficult situations, conversations and decisions.

If instead we believe that leaders are meant to carry the weight of responsibility, to save others and have all the answers, we are likely to default to rescuer mode, or a firefighter. We may run on adrenaline, telling ourselves there is no time to stop, step back and act in a different way as there is too much to do.

The power of these narratives is clear, and, unless challenged, these stories can start to feel like truths, as we subconsciously look for evidence to reinforce them. The impact can show up in the decisions we make, and how we feel about different parts of our role. If the story says a leader must have all the answers, then uncertainty feels uncomfortable. If the story says a leader must carry everything, then letting go feels risky. If the story says leadership belongs only to those with titles, then others remain unseen. Over time, these stories don’t just shape how we feel about leadership, they shape how we practise it. 

I invite you to hold a mirror to yourself and consider firstly whether you see yourself as a leader. Then, to be curious about the leadership narrative you have created over time. What does this sound like? When does it show up and is the loudest? What impact is this having on how you lead? 

Who do we see as a leader? 

“”Mental models” are deeply ingrained assumptions, generalizations, or even pictures or images that influence how we understand the world and how we take action. Very often, we are not consciously aware of our mental models or the effects they have on our behaviour.” (Senge, 1990) 

These mental models often define how we see leadership. In many settings, leadership is still closely tied to roles or titles. But when we look more closely, leadership is happening everywhere. 

It’s in the practitioner who adapts their approach to meet a child’s needs. 

It’s in the colleague who supports a teammate through a difficult moment. 

It’s in the individual who reflects on their own practice and chooses to grow. 

These are leaders of practice. Leaders of others. Leaders of their own learning.

And yet, how often are these forms of leadership recognised, named, and developed?  

If our definition of leadership is too narrow, we risk overlooking the leadership that already exists within our teams and ourselves. This begins with challenging the deeply ingrained pictures and assumptions we hold about what a leader is, and choosing to widen our lens. 

Noticing and awareness are the first steps to bringing this challenge. Redefining what leadership is with your teams by celebrating moments where leadership shows up in ways that may not have been previously recognised can be a powerful way to show that the role of ‘leader’ exists for all in different ways. As leaders, we are contributing to the journeys of others, and the narratives and stories they are constantly creating and carrying with them. It is therefore our responsibility to demonstrate that there is more to leadership than a title, a desk in the office and seniority. The most effective leaders begin by leading themselves effectively, understanding that their everyday actions determine their impact on the children and teams they work with, and the setting as a whole. 

The stories that remain untold 

In a coaching training session recently, I was asked the question “what story that remains untold needs to be told?” This stopped me in my tracks. Looking back, I could see that my own experience of burnout wasn’t just about workload or pressure. It was also shaped by a personal story I hadn’t fully acknowledged at the time, one that was quietly influencing how I showed up as a leader. For a long time, I held a shallow version of this story, one that felt acceptable when delivering it to others. However, what I have noticed is that when I have been brave enough to tell the true version of my story, I make the best connections and quickly find others that the story resonates with.  

When we pride ourselves on being strong, capable leaders, who may be a natural rescuer, it feels unnatural, and dare I say it, a little weak, to admit stories about adversity, perceived failure or doubt. However, this is where the greatest learning happens. It is in our mistakes, the challenging times, and uncertainty that we often find strength, capability and courage that we didn’t know we had. This is what can inspire others, particularly the leaders of the future. To know that leaders do not all find it easy, that it isn’t always a walk in the park, can reassure those who are struggling or who feel they may not match up to the expectations they place upon themselves. This is what makes us human, and it is vital that we share the real version of leadership, rather than a version that we would save for social media.  

Now, not all stories will be challenging and finding the stories of success, passion and triumph can bring hope, and are a reminder of why we went into these roles in the first place. It can be tempting to always focus on what hasn’t been done, or what isn’t good enough, and we forget to tell the stories that celebrate what we have achieved individually and together. Without these, we can easily get lost in our to-do lists, and not notice the successes we have every day. 

The invitation here is to be intentional around the stories that you tell yourself and others. What needs to be heard? Who could be inspired by the stories that you have not told yet? What difference would it make to focus on the positive stories, the ones of success, rather than the ones of unfinished jobs and never-ending to-do lists? 

These untold stories matter because they don’t just sit in the background. They shape how we show up as leaders, often in ways we don’t fully recognise at the time. Creating space for these stories changes that. It normalises the experience of leadership. It builds connection and it allows leaders to feel seen, rather than alone. 

Shifting the narrative: From default to intentional 

If our leadership is shaped by the stories we carry and the stories we tell ourselves, then the opportunity lies in becoming more aware of them. 

Not to judge them, but to notice them. 

• Where have my ideas about leadership come from?
• Which of these stories are helping me and my team?
• Which ones might be limiting what is possible?

This is where the shift begins – from default patterns to intentional choices. It becomes less about what has been before, and more about the choices that we have now. We can decide the stories from the past that we choose to continue to carry with us, and which we can leave behind. Understanding which stories are serving us well, and which are not, helps us to create a leadership identity that aligns to who we are now, rather than who we have been.  

It is also being curious around our actions, questioning where our defaults originate from, what is triggering us to act in a certain way, and whether the thoughts we have about ourselves are true, or whether they are outdated or driven by limiting self-belief or doubt. 

Moving forward: Widening what we see 

Widening our lens about what leadership is and who you are as a leader is work that can take time and will often require deep reflection, coaching or support to tackle long-standing beliefs or thought patterns. However, this can start with curiosity and an openness to recognising it in more people, in more moments, and in more ways, and to reflect on the stories shaping how we lead each day. When we begin to shift those stories, we don’t just change our own experience of leadership, we change what becomes possible for our teams and our settings. 

And maybe the question to hold onto is: 

What might be possible if more people saw themselves as leaders? 

“No matter where you are in your leadership journey, I believe you have an infinite amount of potential waiting to be unlocked and unleashed into the world,” (Mayberry, 2023).

Leadership is not somewhere we arrive at; it is something we continue to grow into. Knowing, understanding and accepting where we are on our journey can enable us to move forward intentionally. What is still up for grabs is who you are yet to become. What stories and narratives will you choose to help unlock your potential and unleash it into the world?